Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
