theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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