You kept calling me your small dog last night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
