Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
