I think I am morally bankrupt
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I came so hard my ears popped.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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