I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
