Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize