I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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