Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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