I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
