I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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