That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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