This is not my ceiling
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
