So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
