Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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