Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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