I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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