...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I wear drunk well.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
