I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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