apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
