Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
