I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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