OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My bed is full of blood and feathers
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
