Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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