Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
