What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i would one night stand the shit outta him
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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