the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I still have a little drunk in my system
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
