i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
