What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
