I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
