Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
