Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
