i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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