You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
