he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
