My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I don't deserve a penis
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
