i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
