Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
