YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
