so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
