If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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