Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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