Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
