He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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