she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
