fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
