My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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