you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
