don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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