dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
