I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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