you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
