Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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