Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
