How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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