You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
