yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
