Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
