Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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