You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
