Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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