I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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