im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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