3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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