I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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