If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't deserve a penis
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
