Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
bring money and cleavage
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We are all done wearing pants today
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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