Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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