I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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