I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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