question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
