Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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