this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
