i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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