i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
