did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
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so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
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Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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