Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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