I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
