Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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